don't

i'm waffling wallowing drowning overwhelmed

I don't really want to just write all of my stressed worries, because everyone has them, but I need some sort of outlet, at least a bit

.. i just think I'm a lil in over my head
and having huge motivational deficit is not a help, either
I hate being melodramatic and whiny
but I want to be.

Rationalization.

Tomorrow's senior night for XC which means...me! And dow's birthday. And I'm really excited about this (finally) fall weather blowing through with tonight's cold front/storm. I can't wait. I love fall.
I had a fairly good weekend:

- made banana cake/ brownies with matt for kacper's birthday, friday
- ran the fitness world fall 5k with my dad sat morning (he came in 2nd place overall, out of 400...7 seconds behind #1!!) (k i'm a little proud of him.) i came in 50th or so, so I can't complain.
- went to pride with kacper and his brother and luuuurved it, as always
- helped kacper make shish kebabs for his birthday bbq and set up, etc
- had a lovely night with a few lovely people
- and then sunday, i spent doing homework and cleaning, piano lesson, etc

which reminds me - I've taken on playing the piano for Godspell, our next to next mainstage show.
it's a shit ton of music, I had no clue. i'm sort of freaking out about that...? it's over 50 pages of music I have to learn very, very soon.

perhaps I need to stop taking on more things than I can handle...it all sounds so good, but in reality I am so over my head with learning godspell, piano, college apps, xc, directing part of "the seagull" with graham (savior), regular school work projects papers etc, ap music theory, nhs, senior project...the list goes on.

on another lighter note: Shakori is here oct 8-11th!!! YES. there's a whole bunch of us going...sooo many. we just keep inviting more and more people because the more, the merrier (on the real.) we're going to camp in one huge tent and spend our time dancing to really really good music, eating good food, and being blissfully happened. it'll be my 3rd shakori and It's what's getting me through these next two weeks...

I'm visiting haverford/flanz, come november! so so excited. I shall interview @ haverford and swarthmore and spend as much time cuddling with flanzer. we're soulmates. i just know it.

phew, writing all of this really does help...back to psych / eng studying
this post was mostly for me; being able to get all of these things out of my head and into a substantial setting, ie a screen where it can deal with all of this, not me, and i can move on